Examining and Allowing God Redefine Our Desires

In Luke 22:24-30 the disciples are arguing about who is the greatest and Jesus describes to them what it means to be great in the Kingdom of God. It is important to notice that Jesus does not rebuke them for desiring to be great or even to be the greatest. Instead, He simply redefines what it means to attain greatness and then basically tells them that their desire for greatness will be fulfilled. The Father’s inheritance involves authority and prestige. There was nothing wrong with the disciples’ desire for greatness. The problem was that they understood and pursued greatness the way the rest of the world does, according to their own understanding.

Our heart desires and longs for many things, and innately there is no wickedness in our desires. The problem is that our flesh has taken what is good and holy and shaped our understanding of our desires apart from the holy God that placed them into our hearts. It is our sinful flesh that steers us to seek fulfillment everywhere else except with God.

Galatians 5:16-26 say, “the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish”. What is the difference between desire and lust? The difference between the two is the instigator (the motivator) and the object. The Spirit desires what is good, while the flesh lusts for what is forbidden or distorted.

Consider the works of the flesh vs the fruit of the Spirit.

Our flesh takes the beautiful holy desire for love and intimacy and turns it into adultery, fornication, lewdness, idolatry…Consider a man’s desire for intimacy and love. It is a beautiful holy desire placed in our hearts by the Lord. But our flesh leads us to pursue its fulfillment in the world, the way the world defines it. As a result, man is faced with much disappointment and unsatisfaction. People go from one mate to another. There is a desperate cry of loneliness and heartbreak coming from almost every heart…God created us to be desired and loved. He has defined love for us through the life and death of Christ. He has loved us with an everlasting love, and He wants us to enjoy His love. Fulfillment and satisfaction of this desire can only be met by God and the through the ways that God intended: through communion with Him, through meaningful friendships, and through the holy institution of marriage and family. 

Our flesh takes the holy desire for greatness and turns it into selfish ambition. Consider a man’s desire for riches or power. If boiled down the man basically desires greatness, but the way the world defines it. The world defines greatness as prosperity in possessions, as power and authority over men…Men seek those things but do not find satisfaction. That is because they seek fulfillment apart from God and they seek greatness the way the world defines it. God’s definition of greatness is completely different. Jesus told His disciples: “whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave…” (Matthew 20:26-27). Jesus explains to us what it means to pursue greatness – through serving others in humility. The place of honor and authority in the Kingdom of God is given to the humble servants (Luke 22:29-30). The flesh corrupts our desire for greatness with selfishness (hence “selfish ambition”) while God defines greatness as selflessness.

Our flesh takes the holy desire for beauty an makes it an idol. God never says in scripture that a woman should not care about her appearance, but he does say that we should care more about maintaining our spiritual beauty, which is the life and character of Christ being formed in us (1 Peter 3:3-4). If we make outward beauty a priority over first seeking the beautify of Christ to be formed in us, we are seeking beauty apart from God and are committing idolatry. We will never be satisfied with our outward beauty until we find fulfillment in the true beauty of Christ being formed in us.

Finally, our flesh takes the God-given desire for pleasure and adventure and turns it into drunkenness, revelries, gluttony, adultery, use of pornography... God wants us to enjoy life. He wants us to have fun and enjoy ourselves. We see this to be true from the very beginning, when God made Eden for man to live in, take care of, and enjoy with Him.  We will only find true joy and satisfaction if we enjoy life with and for God.  The pleasures of this world apart from Him are unsatisfying and have the potential of becoming addictions. But when we enjoy different pleasures and benefits of this world as a gift from God and the way God intended it, we will experience fulfilling joy.

The beautiful God-given desires for beauty, pleasure, love, greatness, adventure, and purpose that are implanted in us as image bearers of God have been corrupted by our flesh that lusts against the Spirit. The flesh lusts to be apart from God, to not be under His influence and lordship. The flesh wants to control us, and it steers us into seeking fulfillment apart from God.

“…those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit” (vs.24-25).

The good news is that those who have placed their trust in Christ have “crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” for separation from God, for fulfilment apart from Him. Though the flesh and this world can still steer us to seek fulfillment outside of God, they no longer have control over us and over our eternal destiny. Ultimately, as we entrust ourselves and our desires to God, seeking fulfillment in Him we are breaking and demolishing the influence of the flesh and this world.

By faith in Christ we have been brought to life and given the ability to enjoy life with God. Therefore, if you are alive in the Spirit by faith in Jesus, enjoy this life in the Spirit. Explore your desires with the Lord and ask Him for new refined desires. Bring the desires of your heart to the Lord and surrender them to Him. Ask Him to take control of your desires and let the Spirit show you how to pursue fulfillment in and with Him. To “walk in the Spirit” means to let Him lead you in the “way everlasting” (Psalm 139), into a life of fulfillment and contentment in and with God.

Here are some practical steps and questions to ask when examining your heart before the Lord:

Define the core of your desires. What is at the heart of my desire or frustration? What is at the heart of this desire that I am ashamed of? What is the God-given desire that my flesh has twisted into this? When you recognize what that God-given desire is, surrender it to the Lord and begin to seek fulfillment with Him. If you just ask God to remove that desire that you are ashamed of, you will not be dealing with the heart of the problem. God does not want to remove the problem, but He wants to deal with the heart of the problem. He wants to take what is twisted and broken and make it good and holy again.

Examine your motivations. How am I pursuing fulfillment of this desire? Am I seeking fulfillment with or apart from God?

“bring every thought (desire, longing, frustration, fear…) into captivity to the obedience of Christ”  

(2 Corinthians 10:5).

The Tree of Life

 

John 3:16 must be the most quoted verse in Bible. You are probably automatically reciting it in your head right now: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life”. For some reason, we like to use it as a tongue twister. This verse seems simple enough, but, unfortunately, many Christians don’t know how to explain it in its entirety in their own words. The explanation that you hear the most is that Jesus who is the Son of God died on the cross to pay for our sins that we might be saved from the consequences of those sins, which is death. The problem with this explanation is that it is incomplete. It doesn’t say anything about what the gift of salvation entails – everlasting life. The good news of the Gospel is that Jesus payed the price to give sinful spiritually dead people the gift of everlasting life. When asked about what it means to receive eternal life, the predominate Christian will say: well, life that has no end. Which is technically a correct, but a very bland and limited definition. Jesus defines everlasting life for us in His prayer to the Father before His crucifixion:

“And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God,

and Jesus Christ whom You have sent” (John 17:3).

Our limited human minds upon hearing the phrase “everlasting life” immediately focus on the first word. From the physical standpoint, life is not eternal, it has an end, and one usually concludes that means that Jesus came to prolong our life and make it eternal. Yet, the Son of God did not come to extend something that we had, but to give us something that we didn’t. This is God’s definition of life – to be with Him and know Him forever. Whoever doesn’t know the Father and the Son, is dead, in the eyes of God.

In the beginning, when God created man, man was with God and he knew Him. God planted a beautiful garden for man, where He walked and talked with him, and in the midst of that garden was the tree of life (Genesis 2:9). This tree marked the presence of the knowledge of God in that place. Of this tree God told man that he could freely eat, but there was also in that garden the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and God told man that if he ate of that tree that he would surely die. When man was with God and knew God, He was his source of truth and understanding. Man was dependent on God to know what truth is, what is good and evil. When man ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, he claimed independence from God. The serpent made man question the authority of God’s word and suggested that it was possible for man to be his own source of truth (Genesis 3:1-5). That idea enticed man to partake of the forbidden fruit but eating it did not make man all-knowing like God. Instead, man was separated from the all-knowing One to make up his own mind according to his limited knowledge. In claiming his independence from God, man claimed death. He became as a lamp unplugged from the electrical socket, as a tree that has been pulled out of the ground. Though independent to discern what is true for himself, man’s understanding remains infinitely limited compared to God’s. This limited knowledge cannot sustain the spiritual life, instead, it leads to self-destruction.

Hence, God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, to know good and evil. And now, lest he put out his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever… – therefore the LORD God sent him out of the garden of Eden to till the ground from which he was taken. So He drove out the man; and He placed cherubim at the east of the garden of Eden, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life” (Genesis 3:22-23). Like God man became independent to make up his own mind and define truth. Man doubted the authority of God and the truth of His word and sinned against God in the process. Man’s sin separated him from God, who is the source of life and truth, making him spiritually eternally dead. His sin also separated him from the tree of life, which God gave to sustain the physical eternal life, making his physical body finite. The way back to God and to the tree of life is heavily guarded.

The good news of the Gospel is that God never stopped loving man, even though he claimed independence from Him and sinned against the Holy All-knowing God. As soon as man was cast out of the presence of God, He began to prepare the scene for the Son of God to enter this world and make the way back to God available for man. God created us for life, to be with Him and to know Him, and despite our sin He longs to bring us back to life, back to Himself. When Jesus Christ the Son of God came to this earth, He said of Himself:

“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).

Jesus Christ is the way back to God. He is truth, and whoever partakes of Him as of the tree of life, will have everlasting life. He told the hungry crowd that they should labor for the food which endures to everlasting life: “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me has everlasting life. I am the bread of life…I am the living bread which came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever; and the bread that I shall give is My flesh, which I shall give for the life of the world…Most assuredly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him at the last day…He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him” (John 6:26-58). Re-read this text a couple times!

Given up to his own understanding and deprived of the tree of life, man roams the world hungry. The problem is that we try to fill and sustain ourselves with things that do not last. The food and the pleasures of this world can not endure to everlasting life, it cannot even enduringly sustain the physical life. The food that comes from heaven can satisfy our hunger and quench our thirst forever. Jesus addressed the true hunger and thirst of a man’s soul – man longs for what he lost in Eden – everlasting life. Jesus tells us that for our hunger and thirst to be met and satisfied, we need to believe in Him and be sustained by Him.

By faith in the Son of God we receive the Spirit of the Son of God into our hearts (Galatians 4:6). This is the new birth when we are spiritually brought from death to life. When we place our faith in Jesus Christ the tree of our life is planted back into the ground, and the dry branches are brought back to life by the waters of the Spirit of God that flood us from the soil of God’s restored presence. By faith in Jesus Christ everlasting life is restored to man, he is restored to the presence of God and to the knowledge of God. This life is matured and sustained through being with and knowing the Father and the Son. To feed on Christ requires us to be with Him and to know Him, to abide in Him. As we abide in Him and His word, His Spirit will produce the fruit of His character in us (John 15:1-17).

Jesus Christ made the way back to the tree of life, back to Eden, back to life in the presence of God available to us by faith in Him. Spiritually, He is our tree of life. By faith in Him we are brought back to life spiritually, and on the last day, the day of His revelation, He will raise us back to life physically. He will give us a new eternal body (2 Corinthians 5:1-10). That body will be sustained by the fruit of the tree of life that will stand in the middle of the New Jerusalem in the new heaven and new earth (Revelations 21-22).

This is the good and compelling news of the Gospel. We need to take care that the Gospel that we received and preach to the lost and dead people is complete. We need to know God’s definition of life.

The man that is alienated from the life of God is as an uprooted dead tree tossed to and fro by the winds of his lusts, he isn’t secure because of his ignorance and the blindness of his heart, he lives in the futility of his mind (Ephesians 4:14, 17-19). Yet, blessed is the man that knows God and abides with Him, that delights in His word and is dependent upon the guidance of His Spirit:

“He shall be like a tree planted by the rives of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper” (Psalm 1:3)

Consumed by Christ

I can not pinpoint it to a certain time or day, but the past few weeks have been filled with such great joy and enduring peace of being consumed and overwhelmed by the Spirit of the Living Christ. More than ever, I now can say with confidence that Christ is my life.

My whole life I have been painfully aware of my sinful heart and corrupted mind. With every passing year that awareness only grows. Jesus has always been important to me, and I knew that without Him I was lost. It pained me and angered me that I failed and would fall. I would call out desperately gripping for His grace and faithfulness, knowing them to be true. I longed for holiness and to please my Father.

It was at Bible College that the Lord took a hold of my heart, and I fell in love with my faithful Master. As I sat at His feet my life was illuminated. My awareness of my sinfulness grew even more, but also my awareness of His love and His grace grew as well. Every time I got frustrated with my sin, He would tell me “look at Me”. He would repeatedly raise my face to Him, and every returning glance became longer and steadier than the one before. He is glorious in His majestic holiness! The more my eyes dwelt on Him the more excited I became about knowing and beholding Him.  Heaven no longer made me want to experience life on earth first, but I now looked forward to the day when I will enter the Lord’s courts with expectancy and excitement. The Abiding Presence of the LORD became more and more real, a joy and a comfort. I tasted the joy of the LORD and my hunger was kindled greatly to “dwell in the house of my LORD all the days of my life” (Psalm 27:4).

My final semester the mystery of the Helper was unveiled to me. I came to know the Spirit of God as the Spirit of Christ received into my heart (for some reason, until then this did not connect in my mind). The following year, that I spent learning what it meant to abide in Christ and to walk in His Spirit, became the year of greatest disappointment in myself and the year of the most marvelous revival of Christ in my life. I had fallen deeply and, what pains me the most, consciously. Yet, the Father was so gentle and abounding in grace it broke me. His firm, yet tender hand lifted me up; and as I stood before Him, more aware of and enthralled by His grace than ever before, He began His work of restoration of His child anew. He gave me a sweeter and deeper understanding of the gospel of His grace and a living understanding of His Spirit. All the knowledge and information received during the college years became alive for me; His word became more alive and living than ever before.

The final blessing of my restoration was beyond anything I could ever imagine – Christ became my life. The more I beheld the Treasure of Heaven Christ Jesus my LORD, I became consumed by Him. He was no longer but a Friend, my Savior, my Lord, my Joy, my Strength… He was my LIFE! I was an earthen broken vessel with the Treasure of Heaven within – “the light of knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:6-7). Oh, what joy and peace overwhelmed my soul that I would be bestowed such an honor! Yet, that was not the complete final blessing.

Galatians 2:20 was unfolded to me in all of it’s reality and bliss: “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, BUT CHRIST LIVES IN ME, and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me”. Because I was God’s child, He “sent forth the Spirit of His Son into [my] heart, crying out ‘Abba, Father!’” (Galatians 4:6).

Oh the delight that took a hold of me when the reality of God’s word hit home. The Spirit of the Living Christ dwelled in me! The righteous, loving, peaceful, kind, longsuffering, gentle, humble, holy God made me His abode! I realized that I could and should trust His ability in me, despite my own inability. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty” (2 Corinthians 3:17). Oh, the joyous freedom that came upon me with this revelation! The picture of who Christ can be for me was complete and was unveiled to be the Life within me, my life. Christ as my salvation, as my strength, as my joy, as my peace, as my love now came together as one – Christ my life, God indwelling me, with whom I was made one.

The abundant life that Christ came to give was now clear to me, and I knew that it belonged to me. Moreover, I now knew how to keep, maintain, and to grow in it. The marvelous secret that I had been seeking my whole life – how to live the received new life – lie in the life itself. I knew that I could not trust myself to live out even a teensy part of the life of Christ’s righteousness. Only Christ within me could be trusted to live His Perfect Life in and through me! Galatians 6:15 reminds me that only God can bring lasting change in my life and make me into a new creation.

What I had longed for I already had! No longer did I pray, “God help me! Lord grow me in Your love, Your joy, Your peace, Your righteousness…” I no longer prayed to receive, for I knew I had. I began to pray in the faith of Christ within me prayers of trust and surrender to the Precious Life that I had – the Spirit of the Living Christ my life. Through the Spirit of Christ in me I now “eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness by faith” (Galatians 5:5). My face unveiled and Christ seen clearly, my mind is renewed in prayer and by the word of God. My prayer remains that I would keep my eyes and mind on Christ my life; even (especially) when I don’t feel like it, that I would rest in His abiding overflowing presence. Consumed by His glorious beauty, enthralled by His goodness, I will trust Him to live in and through me His LIFE.

Between The Chapters: A Disciple's Mundane

When you read a biography you read overviews of significant stages in the described person’s life. Their substance is of such that often makes the reader wonder, why is his life not as exciting, as interesting, as productive as the life of the person he is reading about. We forget about what happens between the chapters – the everyday mundane. The raw truth is that life is not a biography. The unfair thing is that too often we place “biography” expectations of our own life and also of the lives of others. In our fast paced time and age, this expectation is continually increasing in its intensity. This trend only leads to frustration and disappointment. Most importantly, it hinders us from trusting and following God in the mundane.

Coming back from Bible College, I knew that it would be hard. It would be hard to settle down in one place for more than three months, to not have someone to pray with at any given moment, to not have an intensive bible class almost every day, to not have a place to easily run away from people, to not have given opportunities to serve and to minister, to not have countless opportunities for the Lord to speak something new into my life…I knew it would be hard because I knew that others (and subconsciously myself) had expectations of me – for me to know what is next and for that “something next” to be soon. This expectation in of itself hinders a believer in fully trusting his Lord. Expecting God to be faithful, according to His good promises, is trusting Him. Expectations of how and when He will be faithful undercut our trust. One may think, this issue has been addressed enough, but our pride does not put it to rest. Yes, it is our pride. This pride is revealed in our fear of not knowing the answers and not having evident progress. We want to say that we know what will be in the next chapter of our life. We want to be able to say that we started it.

Life is not a biography. It is mainly what happens between the chapters. The everyday mundane is not something you put in a book, but it is a substantial part of your life. Now you can live in expectancy of the “chapters”, or you can choose to enjoy the present “between the chapters”. The days, the months, the years in between are not worthless or unnecessary. They are a part of the Lord’s planned life for us as much as the “chapters” are a part of it.

The Gospels are biographies like no other. Now I am not comparing our life with the life of Jesus, though I do believe that He also experienced the every day mundane and He lived those days to the fullest. The disciples are also portrayed in the Gospels. We see the highlights of their life as followers of Jesus Christ. They actually walked and talked with the Blessed Son of God, but not every day did He tell them something new, or created a miracle before their eyes. Yet, every day they saw Him, they ate with Him, and they walked with Him. This was the disciple’s mundane – Jesus was with them and they were with Jesus. They trusted Jesus to be there for them, to feed and provide for them. Did they trust Him all the time? The Gospels record the multiple times they lacked in their faith. In the midst of the garden of Gethsemane and the lacking of faith, in the midst of walking on water with Jesus and failing in casting out a demon, in the midst of days of miracles and days of rest…Jesus was with the disciples and they were with Jesus.

The next time you find yourself pressured or pressuring yourself to “know the answers”, remember that what matters is that you are with Christ. Today is not about knowing what is tomorrow, but about knowing Jesus Christ and being with Him. The appropriate question is not “what are you doing/going to do”, but “what is the Lord doing today”. This is what it means to be a disciple of Jesus; it is to be about His business, doing with Him what He is doing. He is moving, doing and creating something constantly. There is always (and everywhere) something to join our Lord in. Ultimately, the disciple’s mundane is no longer mundane, for his days are with and for Jesus.

Morning Bliss

I love mornings. My favorite part of the day is when the sun pours into my window and with its playfulness wakes me up. The warmth of the sunlight gently makes me peek out from underneath the covers and the birds lure me out of bead with their songs...The best mornings are on the weekend. I enjoy a slow morning. I can linger in bead for a bit, allowing my senses to gradually wake up. I can allow myself to enjoy my morning to the fullest…I find it satisfyingly cozy to savor the circulation of yesterday perfume and the sweetness of dawn in my room. I love the morning smells. Mornings smell fresh and inviting as a new day should be. Every morning is a new beginning; a new day to spend with the Lord…



There is usually a breeze that brings into my room all the delightful smells and sounds of the outdoors that entice me to go out and join them. I revel a morning spent outside in the presence of my Lord and King; to meditate on His goodness and his creative vastness as I observe his handy work. The psalmist sang, “My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him…" (Psalm 62:5). As I sit on the back patio of my current home, soaking in the beauty designed by the greatest Artist on earth, breathing in the bouquet of smells forged by the greatest Chemist on earth, and enjoying the multitude of sounds composed by the greatest Composer on earth...I wait...I wait in delight and awe before the One who made this morning perfect...perfect in him.

"One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD

All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple...

Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD."

- Psalm 27:4, 6b

I love singing praises to the Lord! Yet, at this point I find that my songs are silent...This morning my song consists of silent reverence and adoration...There comes a point when you realize that words in regards to the Lord are all an understatement...There comes a point when you realize that your words are limiting your worship...The fact that the Lord even receives our songs of worship baffles me! Let me put it this way. The Lord does not only receive worship in all shapes and forms, including the form of verse, but he receives it even though our limited language does not give justice to his infinity and holiness. Whatever form of worship we choose, it will not bring pleasure to the Lord unless it comes from a worshiping heart. I do believe, that words are not as much a way of worship, as much as they are a way of bringing us into a place of worship.



I find, that often I need to worship the Lord in word to refocus my mind and heart upon him. There are so many sounds and voices in my head that often hinder me from entering the presence of my Lord in silence. That is when I need to worship the Lord in word, that my heart may be brought into a place of silent awe before the Majesty...This does not mean that I am not to worship the Lord in word. After all, we serve a creative God and, as we are created in his image, we have the privilege of worshiping him creatively.



I love the silent form of worship. Indeed, it is a time to stop meditating on what we know about God in word and let him draw near, revealing his glory to us in our silence...In his glorious presence we will be brought to speechless tiers of joy, fear, and surrender...Oh, those are the moments of pure bliss and they are glimpses of the fellowship we will have with our Father throughout eternity! Those are the moments that make me excited more than ever about eternity…



I love mornings...Mornings are time for silence...a time to be refreshed and refocused...a time to surrender a new and begin a new day in the presence of my Father and Lord...

Lavander Dreaming

 

Winter. Even inside you can hear the spiky wind gushing and chasing those on the streets. There is no glimpse of blue or sunshine in the sky, but a dirty depressing white. Weather as such gives only a headache and no clarity of mind...I am once again drowning in the midst of my books and papers, typing away ideas and summaries. If you could see my desk right now, you'd think that I live a messy life. I'm not a messy person, I am but immersed into the whirlpool of writing large papers in the midst of the Siberian winter and I'm...I'm tired.

I am tired of thinking. I am tired of focusing. I am tired...I'm going to stop...I want to take a deep breath and pray. When you focus for too long your focus begins to drift away. I need to refocus...I want to close my eyes and dream...Dream of lavender meadows and quite streams. Dream of soothing fragrances of spring and the delightful melody of rushing waters. Dream of rays of sunlight playing on my face and worming the hair...I want to dream and to remember. Remember where I was and where I am. Remember Who has never left my side and at Who's feet I always shed refreshing tiers. Remember where my delight and joy lie..."I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High. I will remember the works of the LORD; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work, and talk of You deeds. Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary; who is so great a God as our God? You are the God who does wonders; You have declared Your strength among the peoples" (Psalm 77:10-14)...I will remember...I will dream...

I am not satisfied

with the motions of the day.

Let me not cease to pray.

I’m not content to stay.

I want to go so much higher.

I want to go deeper still

Into the vast galaxy

Of Your embrace.

Complacent no longer and moving far

Beyond the horizon of my thoughts and dreams,

Led by the One whose on the throne

Of my life

Wishing I would seek you more.

 Wishing I would love you more.

Wishing I’d enjoy you more.

Wishing You would let me soar..

Take me up to the stars.

Give me wings to soar.

Take my feet of these grounds.

    I want to fly more.

I want to fly in Your arms.

I want to dance to Your melody.

And glide though all my days

on wings of grace.

I will enjoy the Mystery.

In Spirit and truth I will persevere

To surrender my life to You,

My everything.

I will dream of lavender hills and bright shining stars.

I will meditate on the goodness of my LORD and sing of His love forever...



Photo found on https://hu.pinterest.com/pin/341499584228447102/

CONTEMPLATING WRITING

Writing...Writing is a way to express, to communicate, and to form one’s thoughts, hopes, dreams... As I sit down behind a cozy desk, surrounded by an organized collision of possessions, my mind wanders from one thought to another…How does one write down what goes on in their head, when their thoughts are like their possessions? My thoughts are a mess that often do not even make sense to me…How will I be able to communicate them to you? I have no idea. I guess, one can only try…

One of my favorite writers is S. C. Lewis. While searching for inspiration to write, I stumbled upon a quote of his: “I do not sit down at my desk to put down into verse something that is already clear in my mind. If it were clear in my mind, I should have no incentive or need to write about it. We do not write in order to be understood; we write in order to understand”. Well then, I will write in order to understand. I will write, hopping to understand my thoughts and myself. Will it make sense to others? One can only find out…

Hmm…When you are almost twenty, you think life has just begun…and then you look back…Everyone has a story, a story that is as unique as one is created. Some say that you are the writer of your story, some say it is Providence, some that it is both…I ask myself, “Who is the writer of my story? Who do I want to be the writer of my story?”

I enjoy thinking of God as a writer. Indeed, he is my favorite writer! Not only is my favorite book, the Bible, written by him, but I am surrounded by so many amazing stories written by him, including my own. Indeed, he is a unique writer. Very unique! I am not even going to get into how perfect are his writing style, plot, character creation, scenes, etc. After all, he is not just a writer, he is a creator. He has breathed life into his characters! His stories are made alive and tangible. It is all pretty baffling, including the fact that all of these stories are part of one Story, a beautiful story of redemption…Not only that, but God’s characters are also co-writers.

The freedom that God has given us amazes me! Freedom of choice…There is no decision that was forced upon us. Every decision that we make, we make. We have the freedom to choose him as our writer, but we also have the freedom to say no to his amazing “ideas” and “suggestions”…Sadly, the characters have rebelled. Ugh, we are so dumb! We are trying to take over our story, to write it ourselves, and we are failing miserably at it. The sovereignty of God, as a writer with characters with a mind of their own, hurts my brain…He is still writing His Story! In the midst of the rebelled characters His plot is still being played out perfectly! Yes, I have a headache now…You probably too…and I have only covered the basics of the whole idea of God being a writer. The bottom line is, my story is, actually, God’s story, and I want the Best Writer in the world to continue writing it.

Lately, I have been contemplating the meaning of surrender. I believe surrender is letting God write his story in and through my life. It is saying yes to his “ideas” and “suggestions”. It is letting him live out his story in and through me...Ooh, that thought gives me shivers of excitement! God really is a very cool writer…He is the best! I think I am going to let God do the writing in my life and stick to writing as a way of understanding what He has already written…

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